Within a two day period of time,
on two separate occasions,
in my presence,
two people said the word "mental"
and "that baby is weird." 
(AVH at the zoo where one of these events occurred.)
On neither occasion did I have any clue what to say, or if I should say anything. And actually, I haven't been too sensitive in the past about the words individuals use to talk about kids with special needs. I am learing myself what proper terminology is so, I can't blame others for using interesting phrases. But I think my tolerance ran out this week when I heard those words "mental" and "weird".
I thought about mustering the kindest-mothery voice I could to say, "Oh, that is not a very nice thing to say." But in the end I didn't say anything and as I stewed about it for minutes my opportunity passed.
When AVH was an infant we didn't get a whole lot of comments from strangers about his disability but now that he is older and has more distinct features we are starting to get those stares. I should say however that more often than not he gets attention in public because people stop to say how cute he is or how amazed they are at his sign language. BUT, that might not always be the case as he gets more mobile and wreckless. I need to brace myself for what's ahead.
I guess, just for the record, kids with special needs have names. Call them by their name - they are not:
"A Downs" or
"has Downs" or
"suffers from Down syndrome"
"is a victim of Down syndrome"
"is disabled with Down syndrome"
"is afflicted by Down syndrome"
"is a retard" or
"mental."
AVH is not a Down syndrome child, he is a child with Down Syndrome and his two brothers are typically developing children - not "normal" kids.
AVH has the best smile! And it melts my heart. He truly is a jolly-happy soul. As I looked at countless pictures of kids with Down syndrome before he was born, I thought that loving the physical features of Down syndrome was an acquired taste. I guess I can say now that I have acquired that taste and I see such beauty in them.
No sympathy needed. I just needed to vent.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
That's My Boy! Part 2
Posted by The Dinner Belle at 2:19 PM
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10 comments:
Ok seriously that kills me. I've been reading your blog for ages since Jen shared it and he's the cutest kid I've ever seen (ok, not the cutest but he's in my top ten, I am partial to my own).
I'm sorry. That's so NOT right!! What's wrong with people? You know how I feel about your amazing little man and men!! He melts my heart every time I see his picture. I love that little guy. And I love you too! You are an amazing mother. I'm sorry you have to hear insensitive comments like that.
You were obviously meant to be your sweet baby's mom because you handle things with such, what's the word, grace? We all love your little guy and think he's adorable and a genius! What is really heartbreaking is what those parents are teaching their children about people who are different from them. It's such a shame.
After I started working with adults who struggle in life, I TOTALLY changed my vocabulary. I can't stand when people say that things are "retarted" or anything close to it. I am so sorry. That pic of him on here with this post is SO CUTE. I think he is adorable and I am proud of you for keeping it together. I don't think I could do it! I love you so much and I don't like people some times!
Look at that picture! How could you see that face and not fall imediately in love? I have to remind myself that most people don't mean to be mean, most are just ignorant and uninformed. The saying about putting yourself in someone else's shoes could not be more true.
You are an incredible mom and your children are all adorable! I'm sorry, as I know it breaks your heart as you think of him getting older and people treating him differently. It seems as though most of the world gets it, but there are still some very ignorant people out there! When my nephew was first diagnosed with down syndrome, we all became more sensitive to words and phrases that other people, and also that we used. Hopefully the kids parents talked with him about it later. Though earlier would have been better! You are a great momma and I am proud of your little man for all that he has learned!
I UNDERSTAND!!! I haven't had anyone say anything like that about or to Emily (at least not that I know about, I guess stuff could happen at school though), but around the time of the election I read an article about Trig, the Palin's baby with DS which stated that he was "afflicted with Down Syndrome". I was extremely offended by that phrase!
Also, I personally feel that Alex is SO beautiful. He does not look weird! He's so cute!! Was it a child that made those remarks?
It is amazing what people say when they want to make a comment but don't think about what they are saying first. I'm guilty.
I think as time goes on, and you have more experience with these individuals the Spirit will help know what the best way to handle those situations are. It takes a strong person not to lash out at people when they make comments that might not be so nice.
He is pretty adorable! I'm happy to hear he is doing so well with signing. Yippee!
I have not met you in person, just here on your blog and I have to say your little guy is adorable and I too don't understand how people can act and say some of the things they do.
He's Beautiful!! (And so totally lucky to have you for his Mom!)
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